| And the future begins... |
[27 Jul 2009|11:05pm] |
|
I take the bar tomorrow...really nervous and kinda confused. It seems like only yesterday I was moving to SF to start law school, but in reality it's been 3 years. I've finished law school, and done so many other great things, including starting my label. I guess it's time for me to grow up and start my career. I no longer have school to fall back on and use as an excuse to go ahead with my life. It's a very strange feeling...I know it'll work out though. Well I'm gonna make that final study push before bed and waking up early to head to Oaktown to take what hopefully be one of the last tests I have to take for a long while.
|
|
| PDX LIFE |
[22 May 2009|03:21am] |
I drank a lot of Vodka and went and saw Lucero. They were tight. Not their best set, but whatev. Afterwards we came back to Andrews. Everyone passed out and I finished off the bottle of Vodka. Went walking around PDX. Got Voodoo Donuts. Shit ruled. Walking along the river made me want to move here. I'm seriously thinking about taking the Oregon Bar. Why the fuck not? Who knows if I'll actually do it. Drunk as fuck. Used and abused in PDX. Jesus. SF tomorrow night. Graduation Saturday. Kinda freaking out. Don't know why. Seems like another chapter is closing on me pre-maturely. Maybe I shouldn't be so young graduating. Reading Post-Secrets makes me long for college again. I know it may have seemed hard then, but it seems even harder now. I'm now faced with a decision on what I will do for the rest of my life...back then it didn't seem so bad or daunting. All I want to do is hang out with friends and have a good time. I feel as though growing up means I'm growing away from people. It's weird to feel that I'll be done with school forever on Saturday. I've had so much going on that I think tonite was a reflection period. I feel accomplished, but strangely empty. I think I've finally left a good chunk of my heart in pdx this trip...
I want to know, I want to know how you really feel
Is the love you claim for real or prescribed in those little pills?
I want to know, I want to know what you've been thinking about
Lately, I don't know what to think; I've been consumed by so much doubt
All I know is love is a means to an end
All I know is I'm willing to pretend
All I know is we're here and it's now and we're in the mood
So if love's the word you choose, I'll scream out whatever you want me to
I want to know, I want to know does God exist?
If so, that crazy homeless guy on the bus must be a prophet
I want to know, is there life after the digital age?
Our writing has no binding, it's bound to be erased
Here's to living today...I guess that's all we can do is live with tomorrow in mind...
|
|
| You're The Meanest Twist Of Fate... |
[01 May 2009|12:00am] |
So let's go for an update.
I'm working on my thesis that is due at 5PM tomorrow. It's slowly coming along. It's on the Difficulties and Ambiguities of Proving Copyright Infringement in Music. I pretty much get to talk about how copyright infringement came about in the context of music, then I get to look at some key decisions an finally I have to suggest changes to the law that would hopefully help it flow more smoothly in the future.
I'm officially done with law school classes. Once I turn in this paper tomorrow I will only have three finals and then graduation on the 23rd. I finish my finals on the 15th and fly that evening to PDX. I spend the next week visiting friends and hanging out with Andrew, Lena, Chuck, SLO, Hoot and all the others. Going to see Lucero on the 21st at the Hawthorne. Then on the 23rd I fly back with Andrew to SF and hang out for the weekend. Hoot is coming down for the weekend as well. It's gonna be a big party seeing as the parentals will be in town too and both B and myself graduate on the 23rd. Woot.
Other than that I start Bar/Bri for Bar study on the 26th...not looking forward to that so much, but oh well.
Also working on a couple releases for the label. Really looking forward to getting those out.
Well I'm off to listen to Austin Lucas and write some more.
|
|
|
[21 Mar 2009|12:21am] |
Oh no malice does exist in these words I am now writing
Although one might catch the faintest glance at sorrow
I'm but trying hard to grasp all these fragments as they're passing
Piece the puzzle now before the trail grows cold
And I'm not asking for the answers in mathematical equations to be culled and calculated by unbiased hands
For at truth I am so stricken
And I dare only to forever dance
Which proves I am the better broken half
Oh and I am but the bitter better half
In my callous speculations
They leave no room for calm or reason
I have placed myself in altars that are hollow
So adept at finding weakness
I smell fear and close my fists
Unaware the stench I'm smelling is my own
So yeah, you left me and I'm bitter
And my pride is shocked and raw
For I believe I will be changing roads no more
I know that life is full of dead ends
But I saw us as a highway
Ever stretching on from coast to golden coast
Oh, but now instead I'm singin'
Go west, Emily
Grab your boots and find yourself somewhere
I'll find another lover in the east
I said go west, Emily
Yeah you know you've got my blessing
But you can't expect these eyes of mine to watch you leave
So with no malice I'll begin just once more to tell our story
Though the ending I may never hope to know
You were a sweet and sound companion
Though our paths led us apart
And I may never sleep so soundly as I did while in your arms
Now all I ask is you remember who you loved and who you lost
Please don't bury me in silence
Or blackest shroud of thought
Don't pretend that what we had was any less than what it was
For I will not soon be forgetting the reasons why we fought so hard to make it work
But go west, Emily
Grab your boots and find yourself somewhere
I'll find another lover in the east
I said go west, Emily
You know you've got my blessing
But you can't expect these eyes of mine to watch you
Go west, Emily
Grab your boots and find yourself somewhere
I'll find another lover in the east
I said go west, Emily
You know you've got my blessing
But you can't expect these eyes of mine to watch you leave
- Austin Lucas
Now get the fuck out of my town...thanks
|
|
|
[14 Feb 2009|09:15pm] |
it's words you forget to anniversary songs
the bottles bite back
your tolerance wrong
your good intentions count for little anymore
if you're sorry why wage war?
i'm not fully convinced that there's something wrong with this
could another point of view, biased and untrue, tear me away from you?
will you be my valentine if i'm a world away?
apologies are breaking me
the constants aren't so constant anymore
for two days i wait for calls to come through
tonight for me translates to yesterday to you
you bend and you wave when you're barely away
i wish i could say tonight that when you bend
and wave goodbye you'd take me with you
|
|
| I'm not crazy, just restrain me... |
[04 Feb 2009|02:33am] |
It's these nights lately that I feel as though mean the most. I used to hate smelling like cigarette smoke, but anymore I don't mind it and it's a welcome smell. I think it's because I just enjoy hanging out with the people that much more lately. It's something that I can deal with to have the conversations and experiences that I'm having.
I got to seen Thorns of Life a couple times last week and once in SD before that. Wow, that band is really that good. My favorite was definitely the show at Thrillhouse. The vibe there was definitely the best. Blake was the most talkative. The show in Santa Cruz was the easiest to hear vocals and sounded great but the crowd just wasn't on par with the Thrillhouse show.
School is boring right now. I'm just not totally in the mood for it. Hopefully that kicks in here soon. I need to get more dedicated and focuses, but we'll see.
Stoked that I think Sandra is visiting next week. Met her while in Vegas for punk rock bowling and she is the coolest chick I've met in a long time. One of those people that you have an instant connection with. It'll be cool to see her again and get to spend more time with her.
Well maybe I'll update this soon when it's not almost 3 in the morning. Thanks PBR for putting me on a good one tonite.
|
|
| 2009 Huh? |
[02 Jan 2009|12:29pm] |
Well it's the year of being Posi. That's what I decided right before new years on the way to Dolores Park and that's what I'm gonna stick to. This year has been full of work so far. I worked all day yesterday then came home and grabbed Phat Philly with Gavo and watched the Winter Classic which I had DVRed. Great game and so cool to see the NHL really bringing back hockey to it's roots with an outdoor game. Also nice to see the Wings come back and take it 6-4.
New years eve itself was chill. Went to Dolores Park with Gavo and Dercole and got to hang out with Chris Powell, Dan Lum, Mallory, Kevin and Diana from work for a while. We just hung out there and watched fireworks and drank some beers. Gavo, Dercole and I then cruised back to our place and then over to Patrick's (who works with Gav and Dercole) for some late night partyin and breakfast. Needless to say I didn't get much sleep before work and was beat yesterday.
Today I work till midnight and unfortunately have to miss Bastards of Young and Wolves & Thieves tour kick off show which is a bummer. I really wanted to go hang out with all those guys before they left for tour. I'll have to catch them when they get back up to the bay though as they have a few shows in this neck of the woods at the end of tour.
Not too much else has been goin on. Trying to get through Cataloguing all my records in a new program that I picked up so that's been a process seeing that I have almost 2000 with records and 7"s combined. School starts on the 12th and I don't know how I feel about that. I'm kinda excited to start the new semester and my last one, but I'm not in school mode at all yet.
2 weeks from today I will be in Vegas however, so that'll be awesome. Vegas will be a huge party as always. God-bless you Punk Rock Bowling for ruining my liver in January. After that I drive back to SD and hang out there for about 6 days for my dad's retirement. I can't believe he's actually doing it. My dad is my role model and I've been so proud of him. If I turn out to be half the man he is I'll be extremely happy.
Well there's an update. It's raining out today so I'm gonna go make some food and get ready for work as I should leave a little earlier b/c we all know muni and bart will be backed up due to the weather.
|
|
| Studyin |
[17 Dec 2008|01:38am] |
|
This shit is slow goin. I'll be glad when this semester is over and done. My heart and head are just done with this semester. I think I say this every semester and I've finally decided that Quarter system at school is much better and more suited to my learning. Semesters just burn me out, while quarters I was still interested and able to make it through the end. Any more I feel like I check out super early. Oh well, two more finals to go. I have Remedies tomorrow and then Trademark on Friday. Then I get to work my ass off. I really hope that I get a day or so off when the parentals are here, or that someone will pick up one of my shifts. Either way it'll be cool. I'll be glad to only have to focus on work and not worry about school for a couple weeks. I have a lot of stuff I want to do over break so we'll see if any gets done. Well...bed for now since I have to get up early and study some more.
|
|
| There are things that are necessity... |
[10 Dec 2008|12:47am] |
|
I've realized that I really need to write more. Whether it be just a review on yelp, a quick little entry in here, or even a myspace bulletin or two. I have really neglected that outlet. I've never been consistent with it, but I realize that it's a way for me to vent, little by little about different things that I might not express outwardly to those around me or at all for that matter. So my resolution, after school is done is to pick up the "pen," aka the keyboard most likely, and write at least once a week. While things at this point in time might not seem like a big adventure, when we look back on the whole thing I'm sure it will look differently. Off to watch The Wire now instead of studying for that final tomorrow.
|
|
| Us & Chuck |
[06 Sep 2008|08:20pm] |
|
PDX Partyin...HWM tonite...my liver loves me
|
|
|
[23 Jul 2008|10:17pm] |
I don't want to see you crying like that
Not when you're the one who broke my heart
I wish i didn't want you
Didn't want you back
But you were my biggest love so far
And you broke my heart
You broke my heart
I tried not to call you
I wondered where you are
I still glance your eyes up in the stars
But now when i see you
I feel like a fool
I wish you hadn't seen me fall so hard
I fell like a star
And you broke my heart
I fell like a star
And you broke my heart
You broke my heart
|
|
|
[30 Jun 2008|05:57pm] |
I have Test Presses for Swagger City's first release...jesus this is a great feeling. They sound awesome and Mark Prairie Cat who mastered it did a phenomenal job in doing so. This sounds so fucking great. I'm so damn happy that everything has fallen into place finally. Here's the press release that we did for some promotion so far:
Swagger City Records is proud to announce the release of a split LP featuring the East Bay's Wolves & Thieves and Sacramento's Bastards of Young. Both are among the most promising bands to emerge out of the thriving Bay Area punk and hardcore scene. We are thrilled to be releasing their first material available on vinyl and sincerely hope you enjoy these songs as much as we do.
Wolves & Thieves formed following the dissolution of Dispute. Guitarist Ryan Blasquez and vocalist Jeremy Lux wanted to embrace their punk roots on this project and while this is evident, they refuse to fetter themselves within any particular genre. Ryan asserts that Wolves is an opportunity to challenge himself as both a guitarist and songwriter and the band's drive for creative growth can be heard throughout the material. Jeremy deftly balances personal lyrics with delivering a social message while the band itself - Justin McAllister on guitar, Erik Block on bass, and Paul Wiseman on drums - reinvents the sounds that have come to define East Bay punk and hardcore.
Bastards of Young are a rock and roll band brought together by their mutual love of Paul Westerberg and Jack Daniels. Individual members were playing in Hanover Saints and Killing the Dream when vocalist Nick Ripley and bassist Sean Hills began writing songs inspired by their day-to-day lives in Sacramento, CA. The line-up was rounded out by Patrick Hills (Sean's brother) on guitar and their good friend Wyman Harrell on drums. Fueled by their diverse musical influences - including punk, hardcore, folk, and country - Bastards' songs are loud, angry and soulful anthems about the struggle of growing up and falling down. Ripley is a powerful storyteller and skillfully conveys reflections on daily life in the form of compelling narratives.
The release will be available on Gold and Black colored vinyl with two different covers (one conveying a new school feel and one being a throw back to the old school). The split 12" also comes with a digital download of the album for those who are tech savvy. We want to send a big thank you to both bands in working with us and making this release possible. More information on ordering will be available in the near future, so stay tuned for updates.
Thanks so much,
Swagger City Crew
Seriously this is one of the best feelings that I've had in a long time, to finally be doing this is amazing. I really can't believe that this label is going and I'm actually finally involved in something that I've been a fan of for so long. Hooray me...haha.
Oh, and I got hired at Apple, which will be awesome. Let's just hope for this week to keep going strong...I think I'm gonna try and go see E-40 at the Apple store now...
|
|
|
[20 Jun 2008|09:00pm] |
|
i'll see you when i see you. goodbye. and while these memories start to fade and photographs are thrown away. i'll save a little piece on my side. breath out your insecurites and hang them out with mine. i hope you save a piece on your side.
|
|
|
[02 Jun 2008|04:08am] |
To start I drink more since you've been out of my life...and while I don't think this is arguably a good thing, it's something that is apparently a necessity for me. I guess different strokes for different folks when it comes down to dealing with things and this must just be my way of going about it. I determined that this month (June) is the new March, which was just one big long bender.
Gav and I are heading to the Pork Store tomorrow morning to start the day off right (breakfast and drinkies). Red Wings play game 5 in the D tomorrow...have a chance to clinch the Stanley Cup. Stoked for that game. Also stoked for the new Hold Steady album...let me just say that shit is hittin'. Also quite excited for the H2O show at the Chain Reaction this friday. Shit will be off the hook. Get to see Andrew this weekend back in the always favorable setting of San Diego. I'm sure I'll be doing some partying.
The label and record are coming along...have one of the bands songs finished and in our hands. Hoping to finish up everything and send it off within the next week. Looking to an early Aug. release date. So excited to finally be doing something like this.
Overall things aren't too horrible. I need to get on a trip to PDX here sooner than later...been missing those kids lately. Also need to find a J-O-B. Might have a lead in SD, but not 100% that I want to be there all summer, but we'll see. Well those are my thoughts at this point in time...this started out with being something cryptic and deep and ended up just being an update on stupid things in my life...fuck it.
|
|
| Lord, I'm Discouraged... |
[27 May 2008|11:30am] |
Lord, i'm sorry to question your wisdom
but my faith has been wavering
won't you show me a sign
and let me know that you're listening?
|
|
|
[10 May 2008|06:02am] |
|
I have seen the sun rise for the past three days...while this might seem cool to some, it really isn't...I've slept like 7 hours over the last three days...Gotta love law school...thanks for ruining my life...
|
|
| They knew it was only a matter of time... |
[05 May 2008|06:57pm] |
I've been doing much better as of late...better moods, better times.
I haven't thought of you that much, but I have had two vivid random dreams about you within the past couple nights. One was we were driving together, talking about things and you dropped the bomb that you were in a new relationship. This definitely woke me right away, only for me to look to my right, then left, realize I was in bed and that it was 6:30 in the morning. The next one I ran into you but you were different. You had gone out and gotten about a half dozen piercings...definitely not a great look, on anyone for the matter of fact. Just weird. I'm not into significance of dreams what so ever, so I wish I could have some insight as to what they meant or if they were just random and for some reason vivid and thus I remembered them. Who knows...
In other news, I think releasing a record might be in the very near future. Mike, Katie and I have gotten in touch with a couple bands, hoping to do a split 12", and they both seem more than eager to work on the project. I'm more than thrilled to finally get this off the ground and do something like this. I've wanted to do something like this forever, and now I have people to work with that are into music, knowledgeable and not gonna flake out on the whole thing. Now I just need to get through finals, get a job and things will be all set. I don't know why I felt the need to post this little update...I guess just feeling good and semi-accomplished.
|
|
|
[20 Apr 2008|12:28am] |
Remember the first day of this year? How high were your hopes? Did you think it would be better than years past? Was it supposed to be unlike the others? Or was it simply supposed to be a continuation of the x-amount of years that you've already led?
Personally I had high hopes for this year. Unlike the ones in the past where I've only looked to continue, this was supposed to be my year. However, as I come up on having experienced a quarter of this shitstorm that they call 2K8, I've come to realize that I've simply got "one hundred resolutions, but I've got no solutions." Although I seem to have had more things go against me, we'll see if everything really works out like they say it will.
I think I've been more confused as of late than ever before in my life...quarter-life crisis what.
I really don't know if I'm happy or not anymore...I feel as though I'm searching for something but I don't know what that is. Am I searching for love? Am I searching Knowledge? Truth? Human worth? I just don't know.
But what I think I do know is that I'm looking in all the wrong places. I don't think anything I'm searching for is going to be found within a text book, at a bar, at a show, anywhere that I have been as of late.
Do I need a change of scenery? Do I need a change of mind? Do I need a change of perspective? Life course? Direction of travel? What?
I just seem to have way too many questions in which I have no answer for. Maybe I do really have a hundred resolutions, but maybe I just don't know the right path in which I should travel in order to obtain them. Can someone point me in the right way?
I think things will turn around sooner than later, but when will that sooner come. All I see is everyone around me happy and such. All the while I'm sitting here putting up a well-played front in order to make it through the day. "If anyone should ask, the inscription should read, 'My Face Was My Mask.'"
Am I passing up the right things in order to attempt to make myself happy with the wrong ones? This has something I've been asking myself quite frequently as of late. But then again I've been making myself more open to things more than I have in the recent past, so how could that be the case? Do I just need to walk away from things and attempt a new road...perhaps the one less traveled? Should I take Frost's advice? But how do I take that advice and still make myself content with walking that road?
Especially since the last time I did this I ended up getting burned more severely than I ever had in the past. So how do I convince myself that taking that risk is worth it once again? And if I do end up getting burned will it be worse than what she did to me? Will I be able to deal with something of that severity with more ease now that I've really been through it? Or will it fuck me up just as much as she did?
Too many questions, too little answers. That's the problem I have right now.
It's as if I've forgotten how to live...although I haven't...I know this b/c I have found little spurts of happiness along the way. I just need to get back to that meadow of happiness that I know is out there. However, it doesn't help when you are constantly being let down by persons who as "friends" should be there for you. But then again, I guess you have to look to those who do care...which I have some of those in my life.
I feel as though I've been closer to a few people a lot more than I have been ever before, which is a good feeling...too bad they are a state away and I hardly get to see them. I love those dudes, and if you read this you'll know who you are.
Fuck these last couple of months...I need a change and hopefully it will come with school letting out and me hopefully (fingers crossed) finding a job for the summer.
Well this post has become a rant of sorts and a poor me sob story...so I'm gettin outta here...hopefully to greener pastures...
|
|
|
[23 Mar 2008|01:55am] |
I had to talk about you tonite...much more than I would've liked to
It completely destroyed me and now I'm left here feeling worse than I did when the night started
Why do we let people completely destroy our lives? That's what I want to know?
And why do people possess that power?
Can't life just be simple and we all go on our merry little ways?
Why am I left here trying to pick up every single one of the million pieces in which heart has been shattered?
I try to say I'm alright, and I put up a pretty good facade
But underneath I'm just as cracked and undone as million year old artifacts
Hopefully tomorrow won't force me to remember you as much...one can only hope
|
|
|
[20 Mar 2008|07:32pm] |
Well, I guess you must have had a change of heart
You don't treat me like you did at the start
Your campaign of love was quite a work of art
Now I guess you must have had a change of heart
Guess I took too much for granted anyway
But it's just 'cause I'd believe those things you'd say
Not so long ago you swore we'd never part
Now I guess you must have had a change of heart
So goodbye to all those castles in the air
And goodbye to all those plans we used to share
They were fragments of a dream that fell apart
Now they're gone because you had a change of heart
They're all gone because you had a change of heart...
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
xunspokenliesx's journal